I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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