If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
