I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
