I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i believe in u and ur pee
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
