also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
