Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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