TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
