yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
