That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
