the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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