i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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