He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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