Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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