You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
