The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
grandma shit on top of the toilet
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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