Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
