Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
