my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
