Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize