I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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