Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
