thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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