and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
