they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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