How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
