we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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