I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
