I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
