I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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