I'm eating all of the evidence.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize