He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
