Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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