what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
