she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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