ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
