My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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