Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
