dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm at about main and main street
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
