What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
