I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
