I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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