Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
