Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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