operation have a gay friend backfired
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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