Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
