I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will die if light touches me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Randomize
