if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
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