Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
