Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
