my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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