Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just tell him i said nine months
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
