Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
