At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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