Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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