So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
