he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
