i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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