I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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