operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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