i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
