Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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