Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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