i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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