I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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