I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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