JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i think my cat just said my name.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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