I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Panties = found
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
