You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
