He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Houston, we have a squirter
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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