i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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