But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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