Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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