Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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