Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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