Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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